Colin McNickle At Large

Weekend essay: Can you say ‘Cheese!’?

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WILLEMSTAD, Curacao

On a sweltering day nearly 2,100 miles from Pittsburgh, it was the find of an extended trip abroad.

There on the stoop of the Curacao Cigar Shop on this Caribbean isle capital city’s “megapier” sat an upright cooler – its side plastered with magnets featuring pithy sayings and old license plates for sale — filled with all manner of native cheeses and at rock-bottom prices.

“Dutch Cheese!” the lighted sign atop the cooler shouted. “Queso Hollandes!” the shout turned Spanish underneath an illustration of a slice being taken out of a cheese wheel.

It was an 8-pound wheel of Frico-brand Gouda that caught this traveler’s eye. For it was selling at nearly 40 percent off the normal price. Indeed, it was two pounds lighter than an even better-valued wheel. But that cheese block would have risked incurring an extra baggage fee going home.

Assured by the shopkeep that his Gouda was “Customs-safe,” the $32 purchase price was rung up.

But that’s not to say this cheese didn’t carry home with it a bit of baggage – security clearance baggage, that is.

The prized-find that was the Frico Gouda twice had to pass security scrutiny on its long trek home, both times nearly 500 miles away in San Juan, Puerto Rico. And each look-see packed with it some humor that exceeded its poundage.

The first review came from the U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA). The carry-on bag with the Gouda was first through the scanning apparatus. And it immediately was set aside.

“Uh-oh,” a certain cheese “trafficker” thought.

After the other bags went through and were promptly cleared, the USDA agent pulled back the carry-on, looking at the scan again.

“Cheese,” he deadpanned without even opening the bag.

“Cheese,” I affirmed.

On he slapped the red USDA-inspected and –approved sticker. Clearly, he had been down this cheesy path more than a few times before.

All baggage now USDA-cleared and -checked, next up was the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) checkpoint, where that carry-on received another inspection.

On the way, the drug- and bomb-sniffing TSA dog certainly liked that cheese, though his handler paid it no never mind (as a certain great-grandma was wont to say).

But the bag was flagged again by one agent manning a scanning station. The carry-on then was pulled aside by a second TSA agent, opened, and the “threat”-sparking cheese wheel was removed.

Then — and in a combination of relief and laughter – the second agent held out the wheel for all to see and announced her findings:

“Cheese!”

Nearly 12 hours and more than 1,700 miles later, that well-traveled and thoroughly vetted Frico Gouda was home, safe and sound. And the savoring just begun is extra special.

Colin McNickle is a senior fellow and media specialist at the Allegheny Institute for Public Policy (cmcnickle@alleghenyinstitute.org).

 

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Colin McNickle
Colin McNickle

Colin received his B.G.S. from Ohio University. The 40-year journalism veteran joined the Institute in October 2016. That followed a 22-year career with the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 18 as director of editorial pages for Trib Total Media. Prior that, Colin had a long and varied career in media — from radio, newspapers and magazines, to United Press International and The Associated Press.

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